conundrums

I am so completely illogical. I don't mean to do this, but I keep putting myself in these positions where I end up essentially fishing for compliments that I don't deserve, and then I feel hurt when I don't get what I'm fishing for. Even though I don't deserve it. And I would never want my friends to be dishonest with me. Except that apparently I do. I guess I just need encouragement. And the reason I feel like I need it is the same as the reason I don't deserve it. I guess what I really want is just to be myself again, because then I will deserve for people to say nice things about me. Except then I won't need to hear it the way I do now. Guh. And I guess that's partly why I started this blog... so that people could respond somehow to my frustrations. I really appreciate that encourgement I've gotten in that manner.

I'm also frustrated because it has just come to my attention that one of my best friends dislikes another of my best friends, despite not actually knowing this best friend. It bothers me because I think that it is respectful to at least give a chance to your friends' friends, to assume that they are good people who you will like, until it is proven otherwise. But maybe that's just me being idealistic because that's what I do.

Also, it turns out that Pete, another of my best friends (I know I say that a lot...I have a lot of friends who are the best :)) just had surgery on his shoulder. I knew this was going to happen at some point, but I was a bit upset that he didn't tell me when...until after the fact. I know that he is just busy and got distracted/forgot, but it makes me worry that he didn't tell me because he thought I would forget, or because he thought I wouldn't pray for him anyway, or because he didn't want to bother me because I have enough problems of my own.

I guess I'm just feeling frustrated with people in general. But I'm mostly frustrated with myself...for being so frustrated with people. I get to hang out with Dallas all day tomorrow, and he just said that I can complain about my life (which was what I was planning to do anyhow), and I'm really looking forward to that. I know that sounds terrible, but it's the truth. I need to get my complaints, even the illogical ones, which may or may not be all of them, off my chest. I just hope he doesn't regret giving me permission to do that. ;)