Thursday, May 10, 2007

eet mor chikin

I have a big weekend ahead. Yesterday, I drove back to Radford and spent the night in the apartment, and this evening I drove to Durham, and just arrived at Jess and Heather's (dear friends) apartment. Jodie, another dear friend, is getting married tomorrow, so that's why I'm here. Tomorrow, after the wedding, I'm driving to my beloved Emory for Katie and Jenny's (best friends) graduation on Saturday. I am hoping that my rest at home has prepared for the energy it's going to take for me to withstand all this social interaction. You see, I'm a loner, and require lots of alone time, or else I go crazy, and depression has only exagerrated this characteristic. But I'm excited to be here and to see wonderful people who I don't get to see as often as I'd like. I think it's going to be good.

The drive here is always weird, because I pass through (or past, I guess) Burlington, home of my ex, Deke. The past few times I've been here, he has been in Emory, but I have contemplated calling his parents and stopping by--under the guise of wanting to see their new (old) house now that it's all finished, but really just wanting to see them. But I never do it. Since school's out, Deke is here too (I assume), which made me even more tempted to call this time. But I'm under the impression that he wouldn't like that very much, so I knew it would be disastrous, and had decided before I even left Radford that I would NOT call. Secretly, I had also decided that if I was terribly tempted to call, I was going to, instead, call my best friend, Dallas, who would surely talk me out of it effectively. Anyway, I was not worried about this as I drove. It just so happened that I started to get hungry for dinner as I approached Burlington. I saw a sign for a Chil-fil-A, so I decided that's where I'd eat. The Chic-fil-A turned out not to be immediately off of the exit, and as I followed the signs, I began to realize that I knew exactly where I was going, because I have eaten at this particular Chic-fil-A before. I ate here with Deke, his best friend, John, and John's then-girlfriend, Chelsea. It was the first time (literally) that I met Chelsea, and I immiediately started having these visions of the four us always being best friends, and getting married, and growing old together. I am aware that this is quite pathetic and silly, and, I admit, sometimes I'm just a silly girl. But, nonetheless, my memory of this occasion, coupled with my already volatile emotional state (and feeling reagarding Deke, implicit in my last blog) made this eating experience a little surreal and a lot sad. Deke and John are both dating other people (who are, of course, categorically far inferior to Chelsea or me) now, and I just kept picturing the four of them all there together, meeting for the first time, dipping their nuggets into honey mustard sauce and talking joyously. And I wonder if either of the current girlfriends is silly like me and would be thinking about how this new foursome will always be together. And what if she'd be right?

Anyway, I'm going to try to stop thinking about silly things like this, and read some Pslams while I wait for Jess and Heather to get back from the rehearsal dinner. God (and Jess and Heather, too, for that matter) loves me better than any boy ever could anyway.

2 comments:

Dallas said...

I'm proud of you... it took alot to stop there and not call him. You're amazing. Call me on your way home if you want to stop by for a bit. I love you!

Chels said...

Wow. Do you know how many times I have thought about that trip to Chick Filet? I admire you for not calling. I don't think I would have had the strength not to. I've decided that you and I should still be friends. :) But the four of us together might have been even better. Too bad that we'll never know...