Sunday, May 6, 2007
'tis a gift to be simple
I'm feeling better today. It's beautiful outside, for one thing. And church was good. My mom and dad have been telling me about this "intellectual kick" that our pastor has been on, and I was quite excited to experience it for myself today, as I tend to be quite an intellectual Christian, for better or for worse, and am generally unsatisfied with the depth of insight that comes from the pulpit. Intellect wasn't in the cards (read: sermon) today, which was disappointing. I've been frustrated lately, because I feel like my spiritual life has become really shallow and simplistic. What I mean, basically, is that there seems to be no depth to my prayers as of late. I try to say the sorts of things that I would normally (by normally, I mean when I'm healthy) say, but I just can't make myself mean them. Right now, all I can honestly, sincerely say to God is, "help." While I'd prefer to be a little deeper and a little smarter, I've realized that God really just wants me to be real. And this morning, sans intellect, I did sense just the tiniest inkling of spirit and truth in my worship. I do hope that things will be back to normal someday soon, but, for now, I'll take it.